time marches on
okay so i have this best friend, we've been best friends since high school ... she lives in the U.S. with her family (consisting of husband, son, unborn daughter and dog). i love her like nobody's business. our lives are in such different places though. that's no problem, it happens right? well it's all okay until i come to visit - the problem is that they are all in bed by 10pm and i'm usually going out then, hey i'm a single 30-something chick - this is the life i choose. the problem is that i'm bored out of my freakin mind when i'm here because she is usually working all day or at the very least on the phone with work. so the evenings give way to a great dinner and maybe some cards, that's the excitement of it!
i should be happy just to see her, i know but i'm not anymore. i know it's selfish but sometimes i'd really just like to hang out with her. without all the distractions. that would be possible if she ever came to visit me, oh wait there was that one time...
it bothers me more then i have ever admitted that she thinks because i'm single i should be leaving my life for a week to come here and watch hers. it sounds horrible and i feel about that guilty but it's gotta stop! i'm starting to become resentful of it all.
oh yeah it's best when i visit and their fighting. i'm not sure which is worse the fighting or the over indulgent making up; where everything is about them and oh wait here i am on the outside. it's just become too much and it needs to stop.
she's having a baby in november and i'll visit for the weekend then, but after that ... the ball is in her court. i won't be back for quite awhile. i feel that we're growing apart and i'm not sure there's much that can be done about it right now. she needs to be here for her family but i don't. if when i came here we chatted or did something; maybe that wouldn't be so bad but most of my time is spent with either her husband or her son (or both) and the rest of the time is spent with the whole family. it's not fun anymore. okay it never really was but i love her.
i'm not saying the frienship is ending because it's not - i'm saying it's changing. these are all her changes but somehow i'm suppose to make up for them. perhaps that's what a bestfriend is for but 5 years later - i'm about done.
“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”
i added the above quote .. because it is exactly how i feel right now. we are walking in very opposite directions but still i will not leave her nor will she leave me. i need to live my life for me. she knows something is changing as well, she has become jealous and somewhat concerned that i'm done with her. however, instead of enjoying the time we could have spent together; she was doing everything other then that. whatever game we were playing is not a game either of us are going to win. i'm sad and it feels like even when we're in the same room we are miles apart.
i should be happy just to see her, i know but i'm not anymore. i know it's selfish but sometimes i'd really just like to hang out with her. without all the distractions. that would be possible if she ever came to visit me, oh wait there was that one time...
it bothers me more then i have ever admitted that she thinks because i'm single i should be leaving my life for a week to come here and watch hers. it sounds horrible and i feel about that guilty but it's gotta stop! i'm starting to become resentful of it all.
oh yeah it's best when i visit and their fighting. i'm not sure which is worse the fighting or the over indulgent making up; where everything is about them and oh wait here i am on the outside. it's just become too much and it needs to stop.
she's having a baby in november and i'll visit for the weekend then, but after that ... the ball is in her court. i won't be back for quite awhile. i feel that we're growing apart and i'm not sure there's much that can be done about it right now. she needs to be here for her family but i don't. if when i came here we chatted or did something; maybe that wouldn't be so bad but most of my time is spent with either her husband or her son (or both) and the rest of the time is spent with the whole family. it's not fun anymore. okay it never really was but i love her.
i'm not saying the frienship is ending because it's not - i'm saying it's changing. these are all her changes but somehow i'm suppose to make up for them. perhaps that's what a bestfriend is for but 5 years later - i'm about done.
“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”
i added the above quote .. because it is exactly how i feel right now. we are walking in very opposite directions but still i will not leave her nor will she leave me. i need to live my life for me. she knows something is changing as well, she has become jealous and somewhat concerned that i'm done with her. however, instead of enjoying the time we could have spent together; she was doing everything other then that. whatever game we were playing is not a game either of us are going to win. i'm sad and it feels like even when we're in the same room we are miles apart.
