cheekee.monkee

as the weight of horror smashes me down the depths of sadness do me in. I'm feeling real sorry for myself, which frustrates me. i just want it all to go away. i don't want to BE a survivor of childhood sexual abuse anymore. yeah okay so we all have our crosses to bear but can i carry someone's cross for a bit? mine has become heavy and i feel i cannot carry it any longer.

i'm tired of always reaching out but then hearing the sound of the wind pass by me as i fall - alone. why would it be any other way though? we are all about me.

damn i'm angry today. at nothing in particular. i feel like standing up and screaming. all these fucking expectations thrown at me. fuck expectations, it only leads to dissapointment. maybe it's time i stop living up to all these expectations. maybe it's my turn to stop giving a shit about everyone.

nobody really gives a fuck about anybody else anyway. it doesn't matter what you do for people, it doesn't matter how long you stay like a fucking stupid loyal dog - nothing is appreciated. be a better person? why bother?

I wish you and your family the outmost happiness and health.
I hope for you continued strength and good nature
I give you to all the love and encouragement you need.

For this journey may be long
For life maybe unfair or harsh
For fear and pain lurk evermore

Family will gather round and rejoice
Love will be your eternal strength
Friendship guides you through sorrow

And me, my friend will have happy wishes
And you, my friend will know my loyalty
And he, will rise, stonger then before.

- Mona (11/08/2006)

One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottem of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart yeah yeah

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

-Pink