my life with monsters
Growing up biracial (and poor) in a predominately white (and rich) community was in itself a soul mangling experience. Or maybe it is the very reason my world became so littered with sexual monsters. Soul stealing demons. Perhaps it was the excitement of conquering a 'non white piece of ass' or a total disregard for the life of a 'mulatto' girl. Whatever it was, it has left me with a scar the size of my soul.
I have no recollection of my last innocent moment. No memories of that last thought before I was raped. Before my innocence was so horribly stripped from me.
there's a tori amos song which says:
You can laugh
It’s kind of funny
Things you think
Times like these
Like I haven't seen
BARBADOS so I
Must get out of this
It’s true, the things that go through your head sometimes during, after and way after. I remember one day realizing that I must have cleaned up the 'mess' after. I must have done away with my clothes. But yet I have no recollection of the moment and I was only 9. But these are the questions you're left with. Why should I ever have to think of such things?!
pieces of innocence
kicked to the wayside
hammered flat.
rendering the former
owner incomplete.
.... Well that's a start - most of it was written in Oct 2004. Not every passage will be so heavy but my life has been very f*#ckin; heavy. I need somewhere to unload it; this seems as good a place as any. I wondered at first if I should leave this blog as being public, heck I even get a bit of traffic from blogexplosion.com - I won't hide these thoughts from the world. The shame needs not to be mine, not any longer. The mindless space of the web comes in handy again. Maybe I’ll develop my own cult following and then I’ll be all set to take over the world! Well there goes that secret - ssshhhhhhh.
I have no recollection of my last innocent moment. No memories of that last thought before I was raped. Before my innocence was so horribly stripped from me.
there's a tori amos song which says:
You can laugh
It’s kind of funny
Things you think
Times like these
Like I haven't seen
BARBADOS so I
Must get out of this
It’s true, the things that go through your head sometimes during, after and way after. I remember one day realizing that I must have cleaned up the 'mess' after. I must have done away with my clothes. But yet I have no recollection of the moment and I was only 9. But these are the questions you're left with. Why should I ever have to think of such things?!
pieces of innocence
kicked to the wayside
hammered flat.
rendering the former
owner incomplete.
.... Well that's a start - most of it was written in Oct 2004. Not every passage will be so heavy but my life has been very f*#ckin; heavy. I need somewhere to unload it; this seems as good a place as any. I wondered at first if I should leave this blog as being public, heck I even get a bit of traffic from blogexplosion.com - I won't hide these thoughts from the world. The shame needs not to be mine, not any longer. The mindless space of the web comes in handy again. Maybe I’ll develop my own cult following and then I’ll be all set to take over the world! Well there goes that secret - ssshhhhhhh.
